Every marital relationship is different. However, many relationships develop similarly. On the way to a true and quality relationship, it is possible to notice seven steps. It would be wrong to think that we are climbing more and more with each step and that every step we have won is forever behind us. Each step is an opportunity for repeated climbing and descending, ie falling.
1. My prince on a white horse – my dream wife
Every relationship in love begins with wonder: something sparkles between two people. They are fascinating to each other and feel like they are in a fairy tale. Here is my prince on a white horse, here is finally her, my dream wife. What they both admire is the diversity. The one who falls in love, loves the other, above all, what is foreign to him, different, different.
2. You disappointed me!
What was so fascinating and attractive in love with the second, but with the first temptation, turns out to be a rocky threat: disappointment occurs. It is noticed: my partner is much different, he thinks and feels differently from me and that worries me. That is, in a way, I feel betrayed. One such disappointment can be reacted to in two ways:
Here’s how: I was wrong. I’m going to look for the right partner.
Or like this: I finally found out who you really are. In fact, you are wonderfully different and full of surprises. It gives me a chance to discover a lot of unknown things in you.
3. Hooray, we are in crisis!
At the beginning of every relationship, there is unshakable trust and conviction: if we love each other enough, we will go through life without problems and crises. Fortunately, that is not the case.
Because: Those who do not fall into a crisis will not be able to move forward in their relationship. Of course, no one is looking forward to crises. But it is simply not possible to live without crises. A couple who wants to develop should therefore be grateful for situations when at least one of them falls into a crisis.
There are a number of typical moments that affect crises: e.g. new employment, the time of the child’s birth, or the moments when the children leave home. These are the moments when the forces give way. Moments of great boredom and turbulence in the family. In men, the term middle age is inevitably associated with the addition of a crisis. When women start to lack excitement from their husbands, then it becomes critical.
Whenever something has to change, there is a crisis. As embarrassing as it may be, it is still important and necessary for any normal relationship.
A crisis always has several functions at the same time:
– she brings liveliness to the relationship again
– she cares about distance, when it gets too tight. Along with closeness, in every good relationship there is a corresponding portion of distance, distance, independence
– it makes people wiser and smarter. In crises he becomes cunning (in a positive sense – ingenious)
4. You are simply different
What is most difficult to get rid of in one relationship is the ideal, that is. an ideal idea of what a relationship should be like. An ideal in spite of reality and reality. So long as a partner tries to shape himself according to that ideal, so long does the man struggle.
A crisis can lead to the realization: I have to accept my partner as he is. It cannot (and does not have to) be different. True love allows another to be his own and loves him just like that. To accept the other as he is also means: to admit that in many areas he is better than myself.
5. You have the right to make mistakes
Of course, every person believes: what I think, understand, consider right – is absolute: and tries to convince others of it. Regardless of the fact that the other one takes the same right. In this way, everyone considers what others are doing wrong. When e.g. because parents cannot agree on something, children suffer, then it becomes especially problematic. Such a belief, namely, that the other is wrong, seems a bit like declaring war on a partner. Peace will return only when the partners learn to deal calmly and calmly with (for them) the unacceptable attitudes and views of the other. Calmness and composure is the attitude that it is not an immediate tragedy if the other person makes a mistake (from my point of view). Both he and I have the right to be (perhaps) wrong.
6. You are my treasure!
When a man gets rid of the burden, namely the idea that the best relationship is the one in which there is a constant agreement between husband and wife, then both can rejoice in the fact that they are fortunately so different. Only those who differ from each other can complement each other and draw wealth for their common happiness from their differences. Only the one who gives up changing the other (by force) and understands the foreign and different in the other as personal enrichment, will be able to experience how the true treasure is actually hidden in his partner. What keeps a partnership alive in the long run is respect for the diversity of the other.
7. Do what you want!
When we reach this step, we can all do what we (really) want. We are all as we are and we remain as we are, but we can, of course, still change. Such love for love’s sake is a true work of art.