The sun rises and sets every day. Waves come and go, the sea shifts me. And also our own life: it changes, it moves from one place to another; some people come and some leave our lives. Our mind changes, the belief structure (which is not always such a bad thing), what we like and dislike is susceptible to change.
Sometimes we wonder if it all makes sense. We wonder if we should have done this or that, had we made the good decision, had we at least not met this person things would have been different now … if, if we hadn’t and if we had, just this or that. Obviously, it’s not so easy to accept life as it is.
We constantly try to avoid mistakes, give our best and be good parents, lovers, spouses, sons and daughters. But it’s not like we always get it right. What follows in this text are introspections on the subject of the four laws of spirituality originating in India. These are principles that help us feel a little less pressured in our own skin and take us out of the push-pull attitude and bring us back to our own center.
The first law
The person who appears is the right person.
Who has not wondered, at least once in my life: How did I ever get into that relationship? What in the hell am I doing with this person, what does he or she want from me? How could I ever be so stupid again?
Frankly, no one comes into our lives by accident. We all meet for a specific purpose; to go through an experience, to learn a lesson, to be in touch, to feel alive.
And, as straws float on the surface of the river, so do we meet, sail together for a while and (always) eventually grow. The nature of this world is that it is enchanted by illusion and transience.
So when you find yourself condemning yourself or blaming others for all the harm they have done to you, stop for a moment and ask yourself the following question: What do I need to learn from this encounter?
What happens is the only thing that could have happened.
Sometimes we really torture ourselves with: If I just did this and that, that I just realized, that I just saw what was really going on, etc., etc.
Indeed, nothing that has happened to us in our life could be otherwise. Even the smallest details happen exactly as they should, so we can learn a lesson and move on.
Life is good. Life is perfect. And it is just as it is for some reason. This truth is known to all, and especially to those who have gone through serious physical hardships and survived them. I do not wish for a tumor on any part of my body, nor do I recommend it as a way of awakening and awareness, but after brain surgery I was never the same person again. I wouldn’t get it again, but it changed my life completely and set me on a path that makes life worth living.
The third law
Whenever something starts, it’s a good time to start.
Nothing happens sooner or later than it needs to happen. And when is that – should it happen? That’s right when we’re ready. When we’re ready for something to happen, that’s what happens. Point.
All that impatience, whether or not it should be now or later, creates great internal pressure, simple internal tearing, and certainly those low-inflammatory processes in the body that take years. We become obsessed with what others will say if we don’t do something at a time when everyone is doing it, whether it’s creating offspring, attending college, getting married, or making a lucrative career.
Sometimes it’s quite clear to us that things need to change, but we don’t always see how, when, where. Understanding and compassion for oneself is of great importance. We know it should be different, but we don’t have the strength to move forward. And you know what? It is almost always harder to be with the known, or the unknown and with our inability to move, than it is to just move forward.
We need to survive all that comes before moving, all our insecurities, powerlessness and sense of worthlessness, that feeling that we don’t deserve better, that we don’t know how, a sense of inadequacy, etc. The list is long. But don’t worry. Things will happen when it’s time and everything can turn out much easier than you could have ever imagined. Wait for your moment. And he will come. There is no satus quo in the universe, and most likely you are no exception to this law.
The fourth law
When something is done, it’s over.
Many of us have difficulty with this principle. Letting go, losing something or someone, the process of mourning and then moving forward into life is one long way. Sooner or later, we will all have to face a greater or lesser end in our lives. The day has its end, and so does the night; rain as well as sunny weather have their end. Life ends, but so does the pain that results from loss.
Everything has a beginning and an end, and for some strange and illogical reason (from this human perspective) the world is so set up to function. Deep relationships also have an end, living in one place comes to an end to begin in another. The point is in timing. When it’s over, it’s time to end it. Not sooner or later. It’s just so … hard to accept.
Some of you may ask: Wait a minute, if I accept all these things, it means giving up, surrendering, and not changing anything. If I’m depressed, anxious, etc. by accepting these conditions I will only sink more and that will be the end of me.
Speaking from our own experience, the point of life is not to be happy all the time, neither sad nor in the fight to be won. Life is life. It is made of all the experiences we experience, of all the people we meet and lose, it is made of tears and laughter. What matters is actually consciously going through life and living it to the fullest. Acceptance conserves a great deal of energy and gives us peace.
Once we accept things, when we feel them as a part of ourselves, in a strange way it gives us the strength to persevere with ourselves through everything we go through (don’t think we just avoid suffering and pain, we often avoid pleasure) and emerge into that person who we were born to be.
One of my teachers says that there is a difference between the following two things: What we were born into and what we were born for. Our moment began with birth, when we were born in a particular family and in certain circumstances. It is now up to us to discover what we were born for. And that will be revealed when we are ready, in our own time and in our own way.